Subject: Rules for Enlightenment


Drive Your Karma, Curb Your Dogma


>Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Enlightenment


>1. Be a Fundamentalist -- make sure the Fun always comes before the mental.

> Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A

laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material

world is to get more material. Have a good laughtsitive twice a day, and

that will insure regularhilarity.


>2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift -- just for

>entering. So you are already a winner!


>3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is

>where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we

>don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.


>4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And, no

>matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you --

He's just not ready to make a commitment.


>5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought

>particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called

truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're

tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's

Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."


>6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live

>like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way,

>there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of

us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces

will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.


>7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if

>you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a

>fault, just don't dwell on it.


>8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train

>the world, and we'll never have to change it again.


>9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news

>and some good news. The bad news is -- there is no key to the Universe.

The good news is -- it has been left unlocked.


>10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you

>don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a

>bureaucracy. So you don't have to go through channels.